My firstborn just celebrated their 21st birthday today (as of this writing) and I’m feeling some feelings. The firstborn is so tricky. As parents, you want to do everything right, which is sort of the best way to do it wrong. But of course, when you deconstruct the faith with which you became parents while parenting, there’s plenty of regret to go around. I am learning to
I'm feeling a lot of this right now. My eldest is 14, and we lived with my hyper-religious parents after we left her dad up until I remarried. I've done my best to be the parent that I needed when I was a kid, because she is so much like me and I get her, whereas my folks still don't really get me. I've stepped further and further away from what they taught me growing up, my daughter has begun to do the same all on her own (for years she went along with them to church, now she hates going, and she's seeing all the things that bothered me and more, without my help). I'm so proud of her. I know I've messed up a lot, but I always try to make things right, and she and I can talk about all this freely. Having lived with my folks, she understands me really well, too! And I'll definitely be doing a lot of things differently with the baby, but keeping up what did work, assuming it also works for her. Thank you for this post, I loved it!
I just noticed how few comments this post had and it felt outrageous. I LOVE all of your posts and takes on parenting Cindy, and I am so grateful to have a seasoned parent speaking up about these things from a perspective that matters greatly to me! Thanks so much.
I so resonate with this. And you are also onto the fact that "it is never too late." As long as we are breathing, we are in relationship with them. Repair is the key. And it is such a delight to see the adults that our kids become - even when they struggle. We can always walk alongside.
I'm feeling a lot of this right now. My eldest is 14, and we lived with my hyper-religious parents after we left her dad up until I remarried. I've done my best to be the parent that I needed when I was a kid, because she is so much like me and I get her, whereas my folks still don't really get me. I've stepped further and further away from what they taught me growing up, my daughter has begun to do the same all on her own (for years she went along with them to church, now she hates going, and she's seeing all the things that bothered me and more, without my help). I'm so proud of her. I know I've messed up a lot, but I always try to make things right, and she and I can talk about all this freely. Having lived with my folks, she understands me really well, too! And I'll definitely be doing a lot of things differently with the baby, but keeping up what did work, assuming it also works for her. Thank you for this post, I loved it!
I just noticed how few comments this post had and it felt outrageous. I LOVE all of your posts and takes on parenting Cindy, and I am so grateful to have a seasoned parent speaking up about these things from a perspective that matters greatly to me! Thanks so much.
I so resonate with this. And you are also onto the fact that "it is never too late." As long as we are breathing, we are in relationship with them. Repair is the key. And it is such a delight to see the adults that our kids become - even when they struggle. We can always walk alongside.