I believe one of the symptoms of religious trauma is oversharing. Of course, in this modern age of influencer marketing, oversharing feels like a lost cause. If it’s a sign of mental unhealth, it feels fully baked into our social consciousness–so normalized that it is perhaps not indicative of dysfunction anymore. But I see it often in deconstruction spaces, where people who grew up without any boundaries trying to wrest themselves away from fundamentalism, tend to overshare their trauma, sob stories, and relationship woes, which leads to even more betrayal and pain.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I identify with this so, so much. And I also feel like I was made to hold so much in secrecy in order to belong in Christianity - I think I swing to one extreme or the other. To know there’s safety there in the middle is extremely encouraging.
I have this too! It’s been so strange to realize especially with my husband that… being brutally honest all the time isn’t always the right thing to do. It’s been tied to boundary work for me… letting there be things that are truly just mine, and also understanding that other people may not have capacity to hold my problems for me and that I need to take responsibility for them. I also think oversharing was a way of having others manage my feelings for me, which I learned to do by being encouraged to always cast my cares on the lord.
I've kinda of had the opposite issue end up turning into oversharing. I've been burned so much by people that I've kept a lot to myself, which led to feeling completely misunderstood. Then when I found a friend that I connected with, I'd end up oversharing with them, because I felt like they were different. It can end up being a vicious cycle, if I don't keep myself in check. I've become a very private person.
I think I have the opposite problem...there was so much secrecy and stuff we didn't ever talk about in our '2x2' Christian tradition that it's almost second nature to me to keep things secret, even from loved ones. I find it very difficult to share my self, honestly and publicly online.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I identify with this so, so much. And I also feel like I was made to hold so much in secrecy in order to belong in Christianity - I think I swing to one extreme or the other. To know there’s safety there in the middle is extremely encouraging.
I have this too! It’s been so strange to realize especially with my husband that… being brutally honest all the time isn’t always the right thing to do. It’s been tied to boundary work for me… letting there be things that are truly just mine, and also understanding that other people may not have capacity to hold my problems for me and that I need to take responsibility for them. I also think oversharing was a way of having others manage my feelings for me, which I learned to do by being encouraged to always cast my cares on the lord.
This is a really wise word, Cindy. Lots to sit with for me. Thank you.
All of this. Oversharing vulnerability burnout.
I've kinda of had the opposite issue end up turning into oversharing. I've been burned so much by people that I've kept a lot to myself, which led to feeling completely misunderstood. Then when I found a friend that I connected with, I'd end up oversharing with them, because I felt like they were different. It can end up being a vicious cycle, if I don't keep myself in check. I've become a very private person.
I think I have the opposite problem...there was so much secrecy and stuff we didn't ever talk about in our '2x2' Christian tradition that it's almost second nature to me to keep things secret, even from loved ones. I find it very difficult to share my self, honestly and publicly online.