I’ve been married for almost 23 years and there have been many times I’ve had to spend time with men who are not my husband, alone, for work meetings, out to lunch, etc.
The fear of the powerful men who follow the Billy Graham rule is not only that they might be attracted to a woman other than their wife. It is also that a woman would make up an affair story and ruin the man's reputation because they view women as emotionally driven, scheming liars. This is why they are so primed to genuinely believe Kavanaugh, Thomas, Clinton, etc: they've lived their adult lives in the certainty that the goal of many women is to claim a sexual encounter that didn't happen.
Many of the evangelical men in positions of power would have witnessed this scenario in their own church at some point: a divorcee who had been receiving counseling from the married pastor claims a relationship which he denies. Or maybe there are rumors about a willful teen temptress and the upstanding male youth group intern, who has a virginity pledge card and a 20yo fiancee waiting back at Bible college. Their spiritual foundation requires that the man of God be blameless, so the deceptive nature of Woman is the obvious answer. The more scandals they see, the more this worldview is reinforced.
For the evangelical men who really do not intend to sleep with anyone but their wife, the only way to avoid accusations is to follow the BGR.
Oh, wow. I relate to this so much! I'm finally more comfortable having male friends that I text, and I'm untangling from the kinds of jealousy I felt of other women who paid too much attention to my husband (which is a weird way to put it). Just this week, a mutual friend of ours was joking around with my husband and said, "do you still love me?" And he couldn't make himself say the words to a woman who wasn't his wife, even though he knows all the different ways there are to "love" people. It's still strong, that fundamentalist teaching, but I'm grateful for people like you who are writing about our post-evangelical lives and the struggles and successes we have on the journey.
The fear of the powerful men who follow the Billy Graham rule is not only that they might be attracted to a woman other than their wife. It is also that a woman would make up an affair story and ruin the man's reputation because they view women as emotionally driven, scheming liars. This is why they are so primed to genuinely believe Kavanaugh, Thomas, Clinton, etc: they've lived their adult lives in the certainty that the goal of many women is to claim a sexual encounter that didn't happen.
Many of the evangelical men in positions of power would have witnessed this scenario in their own church at some point: a divorcee who had been receiving counseling from the married pastor claims a relationship which he denies. Or maybe there are rumors about a willful teen temptress and the upstanding male youth group intern, who has a virginity pledge card and a 20yo fiancee waiting back at Bible college. Their spiritual foundation requires that the man of God be blameless, so the deceptive nature of Woman is the obvious answer. The more scandals they see, the more this worldview is reinforced.
For the evangelical men who really do not intend to sleep with anyone but their wife, the only way to avoid accusations is to follow the BGR.
I'm totally digging the term "fundies." Definitely gonna start using that!
Oh, wow. I relate to this so much! I'm finally more comfortable having male friends that I text, and I'm untangling from the kinds of jealousy I felt of other women who paid too much attention to my husband (which is a weird way to put it). Just this week, a mutual friend of ours was joking around with my husband and said, "do you still love me?" And he couldn't make himself say the words to a woman who wasn't his wife, even though he knows all the different ways there are to "love" people. It's still strong, that fundamentalist teaching, but I'm grateful for people like you who are writing about our post-evangelical lives and the struggles and successes we have on the journey.
“Months later, that man came out as gay which deflated my victory by just a little bit, lol.”
I thought the second part of this sentence when reading the first part. Haha.
Since being out of Evangelical culture, over the last 7 years, I have processed this topic.
I agree, Cindy. These perspectives make things more complex and “tricky”--which more traditional or fundamentalist people may not like.
Bye bye black and white. Hello grey!
haha I know, I was kinda bummed, lol!